“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears” – Nelson Mandela
If there’s a silver lining to the Covid19 lockdown, it’s that I have more opportunities for stillness and reflection.
There was a time in the past when every aspect of my life fell apart – relationships, health, finances, career. I reflected on what kept me going and did not give up on life during that time when I hit rock bottom. I thought of what kept me together and not wallow in despair.
I reflected on these thoughts because I know that many people are suffering due to the global pandemic. Perhaps even losing hope because of all the uncertainties we are all facing.
And I realized that what allowed me not to give up in the past was this: I held on to HOPE…
I held on to the hope that the pain and suffering will someday end.
I held on to the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
I held on to the hope that the adversities I face are temporary.
I held on to the hope that every problem has a solution.
I held on to the hope that someone is willing to help.
I held on to the hope that it’s not yet too late.
I held on to the hope that I will find love.
I held on to the hope that I can heal.
I held on to the hope that I can rebuild my life.
I held on to the hope that the future will be better.
I know that when you’re facing problems and depression, it’s not easy to be hopeful; I’ve been there. It’s hard to be hopeful because negative emotions such as fear and sadness cause tunnel vision. We only see and focus on the problems, the suffering, and the pain we are going through. It prevents us from seeing possibilities and how the situation can help us gain wisdom to transform ourselves for the better.
It’s also true that some people are more hopeful than others. However, the good thing is, being hopeful can be learned. That you can develop the strength of hope that will help get you through the tough times.
Developing the strength of Hope
When I was younger, I remember resenting my parents for not “rescuing” me from pain and suffering. I felt bitter about facing adversities and figuring out ways to solve problems on my own. Looking back, I’m grateful that they didn’t save me.
I’m grateful that my parents allowed me to experience failures, struggles, face disappointments, and deal with conflicts. Though it was difficult and painful, those experiences helped me grow, gave me invaluable life lessons, and helped me develop hopefulness.
Research on hope by psychologist Charles Richard Snyder has found that hope is learned. We learn hope from our parents when we were a child (whenever, when appropriate, they don’t save us from facing adversities) and from experiencing struggles.
Moreover, Snyder posits that hope is not an emotion but a way of thinking. It is a combination of setting goals or knowing what we want and where we want to go. Coupled with persevering to achieve those goals despite facing disappointments along the way and believing in our capabilities to make our goals happen.
I find it interesting that hope is born out of struggle, conflict, pain, adversities, and failures. Isn’t that fascinating? That we become hopeful because we struggled. Isn’t it a great consolation that going through pain and suffering can make us believe in ourselves and our capability to create a better future?
Now, I’m not advocating suffering just for the sake of learning to be hopeful about the future. Of course, as much as possible, you and I would like to experience happiness, comfort, and all the good things in life. However, since suffering will always be a part of life, I’m sharing that it’s good to know that if we encounter suffering, something good can come out of it, such as hope and other strengths.
Further, research has found that hope is one of the character strengths most associated with happiness and life satisfaction. Hope contributes to our happiness and life satisfaction because of its strong links with pleasure, engagement, and meaning — which all contribute to a flourishing life.
Ways to find hope
During a difficult situation that causes me to suffer and feel scared, stressed and depressed, I find hope in the following:
- In nature
I’ve always found nature to be healing. Looking at the majestic trees, admiring the colourful flowers, and watching the white clouds roll by amidst the blue sky on a sunny day is calming and fills me with awe. And experiencing the positive emotions of calm and awe enables me to broaden my perspective and feel more optimistic.
Spending time in nature also helps me be in the present moment. More often than not, when I focus on the present moment, I gain clarity. This moment of clarity drowns the negative voices in my head. It also alleviates the fears for the future and catastrophizing. Because of it, I get the sense that “it will all be okay”, that I’m okay. I find that it’s also easier to come up with solutions and take action once I get into that clear and calm mindset.
- In other people
I think it’s essential to have at least one person in your life who is hopeful. Someone who is not only there for you to listen and empathize but who can also lift your spirit when you can’t do it for yourself. I’m grateful to have a friend who I can call and cry my heart out. And even if she only listens, her mere presence makes me feel better. Eventually, we usually end up laughing together about topics that are not related to my problem (which is still helpful).
Apart from having that one person, I’ve also found hope in those I haven’t even met. Such as prominent famous people in history like the Roosevelts, my favourite authors and scientists, etc. I gain hope from learning about the adversities they went through and how they overcame them.
I’ve also gained hope from everyday people that I’ve interacted with through charity work. Growing up in a developing country where poverty is rampant, I’ve seen first-hand the lives of the underprivileged. But despite the hardships they face daily, they remain generous and optimistic. Something that I consider very inspiring and admirable.
- In past achievements
When I want to gain confidence in myself, I find it helpful to look back on my past achievements. I remind myself how I solved problems and overcame adversities. I also remind myself how far I’ve come — all the progress I’ve made both in my personal and professional life. This mental exercise of remembering my past “wins” and gathering proof of my capabilities to solve and deal with difficulties makes me hopeful that I can do it again.
- In goals and dreams
While I support the importance of focusing on the here and now, I recognize that it’s also helpful to have something to look forward to in the future. I usually think about my dreams and goals that I find meaningful, and I feel passionate about. Being reminded of these gives me strength and hope not to give up.
- In spirituality
I consider myself a spiritual person rather than a religious person. And although I’m an advocate for science, I believe that not everything can be explained and solved by it (or other rational means).
Sometimes, once you’ve done all you can and exhausted all possible solutions and resources, it’s time to surrender control. It’s time to relinquish control and let the universe, God, or higher power (whatever you believe in) take over. It’s essential to take action, but it’s also important to surrender and let go. And trust in faith and hope that eventually, things will turn out the way you want them to turn out. Or if it doesn’t, that at least you’ll survive and will be stronger and wiser because of it.
But for those of you who believe in the Bible’s teachings, here’s a verse about hope that I find comforting and reassuring. It’s from Jeremiah 29:11, which says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.
So whatever you’re struggling with – relationship problem, lack of money, fear about the future, loss of job, failure to achieve your goal, emotional pain, physical illness – please hold on to hope. Trust and hope that the pain and suffering are impermanent. That eventually, the dark clouds and rain will go away, and the sun will shine again.
Key Takeaway
Hope is a way of thinking that involves setting goals and persevering and believing in ourselves to achieve those goals. Hope is also learned from facing difficulties and struggling. Moreover, it is one of the character strengths closely linked to happiness and life satisfaction—because of these, being hopeful gets us through tough times.
Now it’s your turn
- Reflection: Are you hopeful? What enables you to remain hopeful during challenging times?
- Action step: Write down your sources of hope.
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts on how being hopeful has helped you during challenging times.
References
Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. Penguin Life.
Niemic, R. (2018). Character strengths interventions: A field guide for practitioners. Hogrefe.