A few years ago, I was in a dark place wherein it felt like nothing was going right in every aspect of my life: being in toxic and abusive relationships, failing health with multiple chronic diseases, financial struggles, and having an unfulfilling career. If you’ve read the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, I’ve had the same moments of breaking down and crying on the bathroom floor, crying myself to sleep, and just wanting to leave everything behind. I was so depressed, anxious, constantly stressed, and even envious of happy friends and family who “had it all together” – and I would ask myself, “Why did all these horrible things happen to me?”.

It felt like I was in a tunnel and all I can focus on was everything that was going wrong in my life and what it lacked. I became a complainer who shared Les Miserables’ Fantine’s sentiment: “I have a dream my life would be so different from this hell I’m living!”.

I knew that I had to get out of that tunnel because life is so much more than just surviving and sleepwalking unsatisfied – I knew that I deserve to thrive.

Since I love to learn, I read and studied various materials that could help me in trying to find some answers to end my suffering (I decided to take matters into my own hands because medical doctors, psychologists, and therapy sessions have failed me). After hours of binge-watching TED Talks, I came across the TED talk of Shawn Achor, a Positive Psychologist at Harvard University which changed my life and got me interested in the science of Positive Psychology (aka the science of human flourishing) and Neuroscience.

More importantly, it introduced me to a character strength that has the power to positively change my brain and how I feel. And that character strength is GRATITUDE.

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.” – Cicero

This is probably not surprising or new for you if you’ve been delving into the world of personal development for a while. But there’s more to gratitude than keeping a journal to list down what you’re grateful for and saying thank you to someone who has helped you. As a character strength (strength is part of a person’s core identity), gratitude is defined as “being aware and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks”. Research on character strengths has found that gratitude is one of the strengths that is highly correlated with happiness and life satisfaction. It also highly contributes to having a meaningful and healthy life. Moreover, studies have found that gratitude is associated with work satisfaction and achievement.

I also find it fascinating to know that gratitude is suggested to be embedded in our brains and DNA, making some people more grateful than others (also, differences in the activities of various brain regions may account for the differences in levels of gratitude per individual). Which is why for some people, gratitude is a character strength — a part of their core being and identity – which makes it easy for them to feel grateful for every help and good things they receive and experience, while for some (especially people with high materialistic and narcissistic traits) find it difficult to feel grateful and express gratitude.

How gratitude benefits our wellbeing

Although envy, stress, depression, and anxiety are all part of the human condition wherein in some cases a natural response to current life circumstances (for example, if you lost your job due to the pandemic, feeling envious of those who still have jobs, and feeling depressed, anxious and stressed about your finances and uncertainties about the future are all normal responses). Experiencing envy, stress, depression, and anxiety can even be beneficial when it serves as a motivation to take action to get ourselves out of situations that cause suffering and make necessary changes to improve our lives.

In my personal experience, envy, chronic stress, depression, and anxiety have propelled me to re-evaluate my life, my decisions, the people I surround myself with, work on my past hurt and traumas, be clear about my life goals, and take the necessary actions to transform my life and end the suffering. Throughout my journey of change and transformation, gratitude has helped me find joy in every day – from being grateful for being alive each day, to the sun rising, the food I’m eating, the cup of tea I’m having, the butterfly fluttering in the garden – all these add up and help me focus on what’s going right in my life, instead of focusing on what’s going wrong.

Being grateful may not be a “cure” for envy, stress, depression, and anxiety but it has a lot of benefits that could help alleviate the negative emotions associated with these and could potentially even prevent it.

Here are some of the ways gratitude — or being grateful — benefits our wellbeing: 

• The “love hormone” called oxytocin — a hormone that plays a role in social bonding, or making us feel close to someone was found to be involved in feelings of gratitude
• According to Cicero, gratitude is the “Mother of all Virtues” because it encourages the development of other virtues such as patience, humility, and wisdom — virtues that help us have better relationships and create a better life
  

  Gratitude inspires people to be more generous, kind, and helpful. It also strengthens and maintains relationships, therefore acting as a “social glue” that binds people together. As social animals, social bonding and having healthy and meaningful relationships helps in improving our wellbeing by alleviating stress, anxiety, and depression

• When we are grateful, we focus on what we have, rather than what we don’t have, alleviating or preventing envy
• Studies show that gratitude helps people adopt healthier lifestyles that positively impact their physical and mental health (resulting in better heart health, longer sleep, lowered inflammation in the body, and experiencing fewer symptoms of depression). Because of these, gratitude may help prevent chronic illness
• Having a grateful disposition increases optimism, life satisfaction, and happiness
• Practicing “higher-order gratitude” such as thanking God, relishing blessings, savouring the moment, and appreciating adversities are strongly linked to better wellbeing and life satisfaction
• Gratitude may lessen materialism due to its ability to help us focus less on ourselves but more on people and things outside of us which then may lessen envy
• Gratitude prevents “hedonic adaptation” – our tendency to get used to and take for granted the positive things in our lives, making us enjoy it less. By being grateful and focusing on what is good in our lives, we prevent hedonic adaption and enjoy the good things in our lives longer
  

  According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford University who also advocates having a daily gratitude practice, gratitude increases serotonin levels in the brain (serotonin is a hormone that contributes to feeling safe and helps improve our wellbeing and happiness)

• Being grateful help us cope better when faced with adversities – we seek support, engage in problem-solving better, and see or reinterpret circumstances in a more positive light
• Gratitude can also “undo” the effects of negative emotions which then improves our wellbeing
• Gratitude increases self-esteem (because you feel valued by receiving another person’s generosity) and higher self-esteem is associated with increased wellbeing
• Very grateful people may turn stressful situations and adversities into opportunities for learning and growth, which buffers them from depression

How to be more grateful: developing the strength of gratitude

While we have different gratitude predispositions based on our DNA, we can still all learn to be more grateful through the process of neuroplasticity, wherein what we repeatedly do changes the brain and strengthens the neural connections.

Rewiring our brain to be more grateful — this is where the magic happened for me!

Like a good student, I diligently followed the intervention for rewiring the brain outlined by Shawn Achor in his TED talk. These interventions, when done consecutively for 21 days, can rewire the brain for creating lasting positive change:

1. Write down 3 new things you’re grateful for (for 21 days in a row; 3 new things each day). This helps the brain to scan the world, not for the negative but the positive first
2. Journal about 1 positive experience you’ve had over the past 24 hours. This allows your brain to relive it
3. Exercise. This teaches your brain that your behaviour matters
4. Meditate for at least 2 minutes each day. This helps the brain to focus on the task at hand
5. Perform random or conscious acts of kindness

These interventions are not only beneficial in creating a “grateful brain” but it has also been shown to improve overall happiness, wellbeing, and even productivity and satisfaction at work. Rewiring the brain through these interventions will have a positive ripple effect in every aspect of your life – this is what happened to me, which is why I’m sharing it with you!

Some questions to help you build the strength of gratitude:

1. When do you express gratitude? In what situations?
2. Do you express gratitude for the “little things” (that have a positive impact) that happens to you each day?
3. Do you find it difficult to express gratitude to certain people? Why?

Key Takeaways

• Gratitude, or being grateful alleviates envy, stress, depression, and anxiety because it allows us to focus more on the good things that we have and are happening in our lives. It also helps in strengthening our relationships with the help of the love hormone oxytocin and it improves our overall wellbeing and happiness by increasing the serotonin levels in our brain
• Gratitude helps prevent hedonic adaptation, allowing us to savour and enjoy the good things in our lives longer
• Being grateful has been shown to improve both physical and mental health, which allows us to cope better with stressful situations and challenges, and turn it into opportunities for learning and growth
• Having a daily gratitude practice rewires the brain to scan the world for the good, allowing us to use a more positive lens in viewing and interpreting the world around us that creates ripples of positive effects in all aspects of our lives

Now it’s your turn

1. Diligently perform the interventions for 21 days (all 1-5 highlighted above) and journal your experience. What positive changes have you noticed in yourself? Did you become more grateful? Did it improve your overall wellbeing and happiness?
2. Write a gratitude letter to someone to whom you’re grateful. Send it via email or if possible, deliver it in person. How did it make you feel?

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment below and let me know if the interventions worked for you. Do you notice a change in your overall mood? Do you find yourself complaining less and noticing the beautiful and positive things in your life more? I’d love to hear from you!

References

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1KSvTboNgA

https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en#t-698978

https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf